I hope i make out alive 

I continue to fight against  depression fighting to make it through another  day to be stong enough to want to live and fight the suicidal thoughts that pass by every chance they get. I resent being in my body and having the life i have nothing i do is ever good enough i not smart im  definatly not beautiful i cant stand to look at my self in the mirrior cause i see a blob of nothing   nothing ever goes my way i constantly watch people do amazing thing and i keep waiting waiting for the day im finaly happy the day i achieve  something anf right now it seem that day will never come and wonder if i should keep waiting or should i just give up and do it after all the dead dont feel the pain of disapointment and heartache . They think everything is perfect and that  i am happy they dont see how broken i am inside the they dont hear my scream for help  .It feels like im playing a supporting role in my life and that i was ment to teach people a lesson and thats it and that this world is a better place without me after all it will be like i never existed and wont be missed my anyone.i dont want to live it aint worth it nothing i ever do will be good enough .how does one get out of this this whole filled with darkness and loneliness how one find true happiness and self contentess when all you see when looking at the mirror is a stranger looking back anf ehen you realise that life is not worth living

I am enough 

Being  a young lady in high school its very easy to forget my worth being around people that i concider cool, beautiful ,smart and so forth and yes i do feel intimidated and sometimes i put too much pressure on myself to achieve perfection only to find out that perfection never existed to beging with  and is only the ecpectations of the world i tried  so hard to please people in my life for one in my  imidiate family i am the only girl and the only child who has made it to grade 11 and hopefully will be graduating from High School next year  i feel imense pressure to carry on and study a caurse at a higher education institute  but i know deep down i want to act and present and start my own publishing company and Marketing and Branding company but she wants so much to be like other parents and send me off to Varsity and so whether i go or not its a lose lose situstion and its fustrating to have to think about it expecially if i did not do well or failed my grades this year .Its definatly hard to see the good in you constantly battle with failer .Its hard to apreciate yourself when all you do is never good enough therefore to me i was never enough and my body image was low untill now writing has been my healing process and a huge part of my life and and so my jurney to discovering the true me  .

 I Am not…

The girl that guys wish they had .

The girl that every girl wishes to be .

I’m not the  girl  that  every  one in school  knows 

I’m not  the girl that  every one wants to befriend 

I’m am the misunderstood  girl 

I’m the girl  thats too  afraid  to  speak  because  she’s  scared of  looking fulish 

I’m the girl  that  every  one  just  walks past 

I’m  the girl  with  a  dream  no one believes in 

The girl thats nothing  short  of  extraordinary 

I not  like a million  girls

I’m one in a million